Chaos at the Cullens
by oXXb00kw0rmXXo
Summary: Emmett and Jasper have a bet... Who can cause the most chaos within their family? Join them through the tears, blood, and unconsiousness- of course, all belong to Bella. Written for a challenge
1. Chapter 1

Hey guys, yes, another story... however this is a challenge! This is for lovelylynn21's challenge, so enjoy! I hope you like it... warning: it'll get kinda weird. And I loved Jasper, so there may be a lot of him... This would take place after New Moon, but before Eclipse- but they know about the whole vision thing.

Disclaimer: Don't own Twilight. well, I technically do, it's sitting on my nighttable, but that's just a copy... sigh...

* * *

**Jasper POV**

"I'm bored," Emmett groaned as a wave of bored swept over me. I pushed it back and concentrated on my book.

"I'm _bored_!" he repeated more forcefully, and this time, I couldn't block the feeling.

"I hear you, Emmett, what do you want of me?" I flicked the page in my book, staring blankly at the words. The room filled with excitement, anticipation, and pure adrenaline… not that we had it, but you get the point. I was nervous. Why? It was from Emmett.

"I want to propose a bet." My brother, who before was laying sprawled out on the ground, perched his elbows on the table and eyed me speculatively. I sighed and shut the book- a bet with Emmett was something I couldn't resist.

"The deals? The wager?" I asked, now interested. He smiled and leaned back.

"Whoever causes more chaos in this house wins. _No_ powers- don't look at me like that, it's not fair if you use them! _No_ telling anyone else. _No_ sabotage- get it?"

"Yep… but what about Alice?" I pointed out and he smiled.

"Easy." Next thing I knew, he was handing me the phone. A husky voice came out of the receiver.

"What do you want, leech?" Emmett gave me a nod, letting me know that I could tell him.

"Look, we're messing with the family… and we don't want Alice to know."

"I see… and you want me to be involved?"

"From a distance," Emmett snarled. "Be the judge. We'll call later and tell you what happened." A moment of silence pursued.

"Alright. A bet, I see? How long?"

"However long it takes."

"Fine. Now, _please_ don't call again!"

"Sure, fine, good. Bye!" I hung up the phone and glared at Emmett. "You made me speak to the dog… Emmett McCarty, you are going down!" I tackled him before he could react, and heard Bella's gasp from the door.

I ceased pounding my brother to bits and turned to look at the shocked human.

"How much did you see?" I questioned, wondering if we would have to put off the bet.

"A bet, huh?" I gulped. Uh-oh.

"I want in. Edward's hunting, so him hearing us won't be a problem. And I can see that Alice is taken care of…" Bella's fear slowly disintegrated and turned to excitement. A small smile lifted. "Of course, not _in_ in the bets… but if I must play a part, I will. What are the wagers?"

"Turning the house into chaos," Emmett informed her, after wriggling out of my grasp. "Whoever does more wins. If Jasper loses… he has to… spend a week with you while you PMS!" Bella turned bright red. I defended her… and me… I shuddered at the thought.

"And if Emmett loses he needs to 'break up' with Rosalie. And make it seem real. For a month."

"WHAT? That's not fair!"

"Fair is fair. Are you on?" I challenged. Emmett had a glint in his eyes.

"I'm on."

"JASPER!! My visions… gone! GET UPSTAIRS _NOW!_" my wife called and Emmett grinned before rushing out of the room.

"Hey, Bella…" I asked attentively as she stood by the door, away from me. "I have an idea… it would drive Edward and Alice insane… would you… help me out?"

"Sure." Bella's eyes were alight. I frowned at her distance. Staring out the window I took a deep breath. This would be hard- but a bet was a bet and I could _not_ lose.

"If this is going to work, we have to be closer."

"A-are you saying you want me to-" Bella trailed off, horror in her eyes.

"Yes. Exactly."

* * *

Cliffy!! Well, mini one at least. Let me know if you enjoyed it!


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm back! Wow, I can't believe you all liked it that much! Thank you all! I got the most reponse than for ANY story I've written. I logged onto my email and I had 34 messages- after 8 hours. 4 were for other stories alerts and there were a few reviews for Sick, but... wow! What's bigger is that all those others (except for the 3 story alerts) were found through this story! Omg, you inspired me to write! Enjoy! Oh and yeah... remember, this is a bet... and some of you were pretty close... but none of it is real... Hehe... please don't kill me!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Well, techinally, I do... but it's just a copy... how sad!**

* * *

**Jasper POV**

"So…" Bella huffed after a moment, her heart beating fast. "What should we do?" I thought, trying to figure out how it could seem real without me accidentally hurting her.

"Um, I think that we may need to move closer." She nodded and we both stiffly walked towards each other. We met midway. As she faced me I felt apprehension.

"Quick," I whispered as I heard Alice's footsteps. "We need to make it seem real. Hold my hands." She grabbed them, her palms sweaty and slick. I held onto her gently- it barely felt like touching her! My throat burned, but I controlled myself. "Start now!"

"Jasper, we can't keep this secret!" Bella said, in a pained voice. I grinned despite myself- and Edward said she couldn't act!

"Bella… Bella, listen, I can't hurt them like this! What about Edward? Don't you care about him?" I said hoarsely, struggling to get my expression back to serious.

"Yes, of course! But… I just feel something different when I'm around you. I know that you would never hurt me on purpose!"

"What about accidents?" I asked, worry dripping in every syllable. Alice had stopped outside the closed door. It was time for the finale.

"I know… it's dangerous. I'm alive though, aren't I? I just… I just wish that you would be the one to change me. You wouldn't make me marry you like Edward is doing!" Bella's face contorted into rage, and I almost thought it was real. That is until, I felt amusement leaking out.

"You need to go. Alice is coming," I told her gently. She stood on her tip toes and pecked me on the cheek. I stiffened noticeably.

"Oh, relax, it's just a kiss!" Bella teased and went bright red. Suddenly, the door flew open with a bang!

"How could you, Jasper?" Alice dry sobbed. "My vision… we were supposed to be together! And Bella! Edward loves you, how could you do this to him! Ohmigosh… Edward!" Alice dashed out of the room, dry sobbing.

"When Edward comes back, you can't think about how it's a bet," Bella warned me. I grinned.

"I know. I also know I'll probably get punched in the gut… but I know. I hope Emmett does…" The front door slammed open and Edward entered the house.

I love Isabella Swan. I love Isabella Swan. I love Isabella Swan. I repeated over and over in my mind. She is my sun, my life, my love. I love Isabella Swan.

"JASPER!" Edward's roars erupted.

* * *

**Meanwhile…**

**Emmet POV**

"Hey Esme!" I yelled at I dashed through the room. Esme was painting the walls white- again. They had gotten dirty last time Jasper and I mud wrestled. She ignored me.

"Hey Mom! Mom? MOM!"

"Yes, Emmett?" she responded through gritted teeth. Oh this was too easy.

"Where's Carlisle?"

"At work, Emmett! Now, will you help me or just stand there like an idiot?" I picked up a brush and began to sweep the walls with paint.

"So…" I drew out. "Did Carlisle ever tell you why he changed you?" Esme face turned stony.

"He changed me because I had jumped off a cliff and was half dead. And he had known me when I was young." Esme flicked the paint my way, teasing. "Why did Rosalie tell Carlisle to change you?"

"Cuz… she loved me. Unlike Carlisle did you," I told her nonchalantly.

"WHAT?" she shrieked.

"Yeah, he never told you?" I grinned inside myself. Oh I was good! "He told all of us… guess he didn't have the guts to tell you. Anyhow, he mistook you for another woman he loved." I shrugged and dipped my paint brush into the can. "He didn't tell you because he felt bad. I dunno, maybe he's grown to like you in the past few years. He told us when we moved to Forks. I think he's been eying this new nurse…"

Esme threw down her brush and stormed to the phone. She dialed at vamp speed.

"Carlisle? Carlisle, I need you home, this instant!... Who cares about this women's surgery, if she doesn't survive, just change her!... Well, you did it with Edward, and me!... GET HOME NOW! Fine! After the surgery. But no longer than an hour! Get it? Goodbye!"

My father was sooo going to kill me. But hey, it was worth it! I didn't want to lose the bet!

"JASPER!!" Edward's yell rang through the house. I vaguely heard Alice sobbing. I really needed to get down to work.

* * *

**Hope you liked it! Haha, they have no idea what's going on- they've taken pretty good care of Alice and Edward. Oh, yeah, and just so you know... more Bella/Jasper coming your way! Not _real_ Bella/Jasper. They're ganging up on Alice and Edward. But boy, when Edward said she couldn't act- he had no idea how good she can be! Review? I'll write faster!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Tada! Here it is! I love you guys, you are all so supportive and... imspiring! I wrote three chapters in a day! Please, people, remember that this is some serious acting in the Jasper section. Serious, serious acting. None is true. Anyhow, I'm so excited about the response I'm getting! I'm glad you all like it! And, yea, they're OOC, starting now. Well, some of them. Most. That's cuz they're causing chaos! And when I said it was going to get weird- that starts right here!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. **

* * *

Jasper POV

I gulped as Edward stormed into the room. Bella winced and dug her head into my chest. I patted her back comfortingly.

_I love Bella Swan… boy, I hope Edward isn't too mad that she fell in love with me._

"JASPER!!" he roared again. Bella broke away from my grasp with tears in her eyes.

"Don't blame him! It… it was all me!" she cried and Edward's look softened.

"Bella," he asked, grabbing her hands. "Did he hurt you? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine!" she screamed. "But I can't do this! I can't hurt you this way! We're over, Edward, I'm sorry!"

Edward was speechless. He looked from me to her in shock.

"B-but Bella… Bella, please, I promise I won't leave you! Bella, I love you! You are my stars, my sky-"

"Your drug, I know. Please, Edward, this just isn't working out." Edward was silent as he watched the tears flow down her face. I inched my way back, ready for an attack. He turned to me solemnly.

"How long?" he croaked.

"S-since last summer. Y-you went hunting once and left her with me and Alice. Alice was trying to give her a makeover, so she decided to hide. I found her, and…"

"There was just something there," Bella continued. "Something that's not there with us! Edward, please, I do love you, but not in the same way that I love Jasper! Please, forgive me… are you mad?"

"Bella," he said, taking her head in his hands carefully, gently. "I could never be mad at you." He bent down and kissed her with such passion that I heard her heart fluttering madly from the other side of the room.

When they pulled away, my brother's eyes rested on me.

"My brother, however… I can be mad at _him._ I'll give you a ten second start… 10, 9, 8, 7, 6…" I was cornered. There was no way out. He was going to _murder_ me! "5, 4, 3, 2, 1!" Edward lunged and I stepped to the side. He fell out the window, down three stories, and onto the ground. Alice came gliding through the halls at the moment, and there was only one way out…

"Bella, if I don't survive this, you can marry the dog!" I shouted, before jumping out the window. I landed on top of Edward, who groaned.

"I think you crushed my ribs, Jasper, _ow!_ First my heart, then this…" His angst rolled off of him like waves. For the briefest moment, I felt sorry. Really briefest.

* * *

**Meanwhile…**

**Emmett POV**

"Esme? Is everything alright?" Carlisle ran into the house and into the kitchen. He was still in his medical clothes. "Are you okay?" I hid myself in the closet. I _had_ to see this.

"You jerk!" My mother stormed up to Carlisle and slapped him straight across the face. "How could you? You changed me because you mistook me for another! And then LIED about it!" She stomped him foot so that he sunk down to the ground. "Carlisle Cullen, we are getting a divorce!"

She ripped off her ring and flung it at Carlisle's head. It hit with a resounding _crack_ and Carlisle whimpered on the ground.

"Esme? What are you talking about? I would _never_… I couldn't… you are my love!" He clung to her leg as she glared. Esme kicked him off- and he was hit between the eyes. Carlisle fell over backwards, groaning.

"I… I see purple!" he stated proudly. Esme rolled her eyes and went back to the painting.

"Cheating bastard… I'll show him… I need to find a human…" she muttered, and I gulped. Uh-oh… I dashed to find Jasper, to call off the bet.

If Esme was going to change a human, it couldn't go on! It was far too dangerous.

I was met at the door of Jasper's office by an angry Alice, a frightened and tearful Bella, and Jasper ready to jump.

"Bella, if I don't survive this, you can marry the dog!" he shouted and flung himself down.

Edward screamed and it sounded like he had been crushed.

The house was silent. Esme was painting. Carlisle was… well, Carlisle was a little loopy. Alice was angry. Bella was shocked. And Edward and Jasper were in pain.

"Emmett? Emmett?" I heard from the garage. "I'm home! Why are Jasper and Edward on the ground in pain?"

"I LOVE BELLA SWAN!" Jasper shouted. Okay, he was taking this a little far…

"I like blue cows!" Carlisle screamed in response to the noise.

"Shut up, you bloodsucking liar! Someone get me Mike Newton!" Esme snapped.

"Rosalie's home!" I gasped. I was so dead.

* * *

**Haha! Rosalie's home- and guess what? There's a tie! So Emmett has to annoy Rosalie either way- in order to win, or if he loses, as his punishment. Uh-oh... Lol!**


	4. Chapter 4

Okay... you may need to either a) fix your image of the Cullens, so when you reread the books it isn't all messed up (I'll need to do that!) b) get something to catch your breath with (corny, I know) c) call me the worst writer on earth. I', opting for a and/or b (please?). LOL... anyhow... yeah, this chapter is totally messed up. I'm taking it to the EXTREMES... extreme sports anyone? Yes, I know, I'm loopy... it's late and I had ICE CREAM an hour ago!! Hehehehe... call me Carlisle, but ice cream comes from milk which comes from cows which Carlisle likes (only if they're blue). Hence, a lot of cows here.

* * *

**Jasper POV**

"Jasper… Whitlock… Cullen. Get off of me _now_,' Edward growled and before I could do anything, I was thrown against a tree. Bella stuck her head out the window and gasped at the sight.

"Edward! Edward, please don't hurt him!" she begged and I could smell the salty tears from three stories down. Edward snarled at me some more, barely paying heed to her cried. "Edward, stop!" She reached out further- and fell.

I shut my eyes and closed off my airway- I didn't need to see or _smell_ this. Edward gasped, and lurched to go towards her, but it was too late.

"Oof," Bella landed.

"Got'cha," Rosalie smirked as she dashed from the garage. Bella took one look at the usually hostile girl's glittering teeth and passed out. "Oops."

"Give her to me," Edward insisted and Rosalie unceremoniously dumped the human into his arms.

"Carefully!" I hissed at her. I _would not_ lose. "You don't want to hurt her."

"Lose? LOSE? Lose _what?"_ Edward growled.

"Lose my love." I gave him those puppy dog, innocent looks and he gritted his teeth. I gently lifted Bella from his arms and whispered into her ear.

"Wake up, sweetheart. Please wake up and tell me you're okay." Bella's eyes flickered open and she rested her head on my shoulder. I pecked her forehead gently, trying to ignore the growing anger… from Alice… from Edward… and from someone else. She smiled happily and I heard her stomach growl.

"C'mon, you must be hungry. Let's get some lunch."

"Oh, no, Jasper, I thought you were getting better control!" she gasped. I frowned immediately and my eyes widened. She laughed. "Jeez, you Cullens are gullible! Now, how about we rephrase that?"

"Let's get _you_ some lunch, miss," I twanged ever so slightly. Bella giggled and we walked off towards the kitchen, leaving Edward and Alice dumbfounded in the yard. Rosalie went to search for Emmett- and to be honest, I was frightened to what she'd find.

* * *

**Emmett POV**

"Lord, he's _actually_ stealing Bella from Edward…" I muttered under my breath. "He's _good!_ Wait… _I_ need to use Bella. BELLA!! I-"

"Don't say it Emmett. Whatever it is, just don't say it." I gulped. Rosalie.

"H-hey, Rose. What's up?" I waved meekly.

"The ceiling… but you can bet that the ceiling won't be there much longer, because someone is on the roof. And he's got an odd smell, too." Rosalie grimaced as I sniffed the air. _Werewolf._ Wait… this could work.

"I'll take care of that mongrel, just a minute." I slung myself out the window and climbed up to the roof. Jacob Black with a tape recorder greeted me. His little groupies, Embry and Quil, were there too.

"Alright… I need help. I have got to win. I'll even ask _your_ help." Jacob smiled.

"You're desperate, aren't you?" he asked me, baffled.

"Yep. So… help me?" Jacob exchanged glances with the other dogs. With a nod, he handed over the tape recorder.

"Don't miss anything, kay?" The boys nodded, recorder all ready set. We climbed down to Jasper's office, where Rosalie was still waiting. Edward was grieving, laying o the grass. I chuckled, but not loud enough to hear me. He was blocking thoughts- or at least attempting to. It was obvious.

"Well, well, well, Rosalie, looks like Jacob here has a crush." I shoved the young boy forward as he turned to me in shock and rage. Rosalie snarled and stepped forward to grab the wolf by his shirt- shocker, I know, he was actually decently dressed. Like I said- _was_. His shirt couldn't take my wife's strength and tore into two.

Jacob stumbled back and lifted his hands in peace. Rosalie grabbed his arm and in snarled. His bones made a sickening _crunch_ as he moaned out in pain. My wife had just crushed a werewolf's arm. This. Was. AWESOME! And I was sooo going to win!

"Ready?" Jasper faintly asked someone from the other side of the house.

"Only if you are!" Bella chimed.

The roar of flames distracted me from my internal victory dance. Rosalie released the boy and dashed to our room. I winced, bracing myself for what was next.

"MY CLOSET!!"

"My arm…" Jacob cried.

"My love!" Edward yelled from all the way down on the grass.

"Blue cows! Esme, look! I drewed blue cows! You love me now, right? I be that nobody can draw blue cows like I dided!" Carlisle clapped proudly, like a two year old. Shoot, she hit him hard.

"My walls!! You bloodsucking liar, you just drew on my white walls!" she shrieked and a slap was heard. I sighed. It couldn't get much worse in here, could it?

_Ding-dong_. The door opened slowly.

"H-hello?" Mike Newton's voice rang through the house. "Um… my dad wanted me to deliver this… for your camping trips… he said you ordered it… Is anyone here?" Esme rushed to the door, and as far as I could tell, pulled him in.

"Oh, Mike, thank goodness, you're finally here! Come, sit in the kitchen, you must be hungry! Bella's having a snack right now, you can join her!"

"Um, no thanks, Mrs. Cullen… boy, I didn't know you needed that tent so badly… and- holy cow, why are Bella and Jasper KISSING?" I closed my eyes and took a deep breath… _now_ it couldn't get much worse.

"Cows? Where are cows? I want cows! Are they blue cows?"

* * *

Betcha thought I was never going to actually bring Mike Newton in! I actually wasn't but got thinking, and well... fun! As for Bella passing out... I promised unconciousness in the cummary, did I not?

Cows... I was giggling while writing this. Hysterically. Blue cows! Uh-oh, I don't think I'll ever be able to saw cows giggles again. Anyhow, love you all, review if you think that I have a chance of clinging on to sanity... and if you think I've already lost it, let me know and review anyhow! That sugar rush is wearing off... I am incredibly tired... nighty night!


	5. Chapter 5

**Okay, only one or two more chapters, okay? I know, it's gettin weird... I'm going to de-weordofy it starting now. This is probably the weirdest it'll get. I did have fun here... I have Edward's lines and Esme's under my personal faves for the story (excluding blue cows.). I'm sorry this took so long. I meant to post it but had to go out and when I got home the site was messed up. Then I decided to rewrite a good section of it- it got too weird for ME which must be plenty weird!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own it. Honestly, people, when will you understand? Don't answer that.**

* * *

Jasper POV

"Here we go, my dear," I crooned as I set a sandwich in front of Bella. It was her favorite, turkey, with warm, toasted bread. As I poured her some chips on the side of her plate, I realized I was probably going pretty far. But, hey, you can't blame me! The love and affection that were leaking off of Edward and Jacob were affecting me!

Bella blushed red and giggled as she bit into her sandwich. I could sense Edward watching us from the window, watching her eat. Suddenly, all I wanted to do was embrace her in a deep kiss.

Slowly at first, afraid to hurt her, I leaned in. When I heard a soft plunk I knew that she had dropped her sandwich. As I smelled her blood boil up, I fought to restrain myself. And when our lips met, cold against warm, my unbeating heart leaped.

We didn't go far. I was even more careful than I guess Edward is! I was terrified of hurting her. However, it did last long. I felt like it would last forever. That is, until we were rudely interrupted.

"Holy cow, why are Bella and Jasper KISSING?" Mike Newton screamed. I pulled away and Bella sagged, gasping for breath, as my father screamed about cattle.

"Bella, are you okay?" She was breathless and flushed. "Please, don't be hurt!"

"I'm fine…" she gasped after a moment. "I forgot to breath." Bella grinned and happiness radiated off of her. I leaned in slowly again, my eyes shut the time.

"Jasper! Get off of the table!" I jumped and tumbled to the ground at my mother's shrieks. Esme was not in a good mood.

"Now, now, children, that is not appropriate conduct! If you want to be inappropriate, at least do it in your room! Jasper, I don't know how many times I've told you not to kiss Bella in the kitchen- oh wait a second. BELLA?" she lectured. It took a moment for her to register that it wasn't Alice.

I grinned sheepishly and wrapped my arm around Bella's waist. Esme sighed and turned to Mike. Darn it! These weren't my emotions! What was _wrong_ with me? Edward was watching... and so was Mike... I inwardly growled.

"Dear, what do we say? He can't just cheat on his girlfriend with his brother's girlfriend! You decide, I can't handle this!" She broke down into tearless sobs. "What have I done to raise him like this? What have I done wrong?"

Mike was scared.

"Um, Mrs. Cullen… what are you talking about?" Esme's "tears" stopped immediately.

"Why, Mike, you're my new mate, ever since I found out that Carlisle didn't love me. Us Cullens are vampires! And soon you will be too… of course, we won't be Cullens anymore, Carlisle is the only real Cullen. Oh, I know! We'll be Newtons now! Esme Newton… doesn't that have a nice ring to it? Anyhow, Mike, darling, we'll change you as soon as this issue is solved." The crying resumed.

"Erm, I say that you settle things down with Dr. Cullen and then… um, well, I think you ought to make sure that you're okay in the head…" Mike stumbled on his words and I laughed inside. Edward was gone from the window… how odd.

"M-m-mom?" Edward's voice was now at the kitchen door. Esme turned to see her devastated son.

"Yes, dear, what is it? Edward, are you okay? Do you feel good? Let me feel your forehead. Oh, my, you feel so cold!" Esme gushed, taking his head in her hands. He pulled away quickly.

"Mom, I'm a vampire, I don't get sick! I'm supposed to be cold! Can I talk you you?"

"Sure, sweetums, anything," she comforted.

"Well, it's about… it's about Bella."

"Why would I wanna hear your stupid problems? I volunteered to get a girl for you years ago, but you said nooo…Well guess what mister? Your chance is done! You're on your own! Go ask your father for help!" Esme gestured towards poor Mike Newton. He was shaking in his feet. Edward raised an eyebrow, glared at me, then glanced warily at our mother.

"So… um… Mike. What do you think?"

Mike managed to stutter out, "Maybe neither of you should have her. Maybe… she could like me?"

"NO!" Esme and Bella screamed at the same time.

"Mike, I don't like you that way!" Bella yelled.

"Mike, darling, I thought you loved me! Well you know what?" Esme slapped him across the face. He dropped to the ground, dizzy, just as Carlisle crawled in.

"Hey, honey, Esme, listen, it's not true, they were lying, whoever told you that, they-" Just as soon as he could speak coherently, Esme slapped him across the face again.

"I… see… TURKEYS! Esme, I wanna turkey! Bella's eatingh turkey! Can I eat turkey? I wanna pet turkey! CanIcanIcanIcanI? PLEEEASE?" Oh, no, two year old Carlisle is back.

* * *

**Emmett POV**

"CanIcanIcanIcanI? PLEEEASE?" I heard Carlisle scream as I followed Rosalie down the stairs.

"My clothes… my shoes… my magazines! Oh, Jasper is going down! And Bella is dead! I can't believe I was starting to like her! Outrageous, isn't it?" she muttered, not skipping a beat.

"Well, yes, it is outrageous, but I think you might be going a little far. I mean, I don't think Edward- or Jasper, for that matter- would like it if you killed his- their- love. And, hey, what's the fuss? Now you can go shopping again!"

"Bella is dead," Rose emphasized and I shrunk back on my arguments. That would be one less wedding Alice needs to plan.

"But… what if it was all a game, a bet?" Rosalie spun around, glaring daggers.

"A bet?"

"Hypothetically speaking, of course! Well, what if this was all part of a bet? Would you still want to kill them?" I was trying desperately to save my siblings, but I knew that if I didn't try harder, we'd have a bonfire tonight- the firewood being Jasper.

"Well, if it was a bet- of course, it's hypothetical- I would blame the person who made it up. And kill them." I gulped. That's not good. "But since it's not a bet, that's okay. Now, where are they…. Ah, the kitchen!" Rosalie stalked off to rip apart Jasper. I rushed after her, but was too late.

"AHH, Rosalie get offa me, I can't breathe!" Jasper screamed in anguish as my wife tackled him to the ground.

"You don't need to breathe, you idiot!" She smashed his head into the tile floor, making a decent sized dent. Mike (what were we going to do with him?) staggered back at the sight. Bella watched, acting pretty nonchalant for the whole situation. Edward was scared and angry, ready to fight. Not for Jasper, obviously, he seemed pretty pleased- but he knew Bella was next.

"It!" Crunch. "Was!" Crack. "Emmett's!" Smash. "Idea!" Klunk. Rosalie stopped banging his head against the wall, and dropped him to the ground.

"What do you mean, it was all Emmett's idea?" Rosalie looked pretty deadly, right then. If I were Jasper, I'd be scared. Oh wait… I was scared!

"The bet! It was all his idea! He was bored! He called Jacob to mess up Alice's visions. He was the reason Bella overheard us and volunteered her services to our bet! And it's all his fault that Edward is mad at me, because he didn't ask for Bella's help! In fact, he ditched her in the room alone with me! Now don't kill me, please!"

"It was fake? You didn't mean it? Bella, you do love me, right?" Edward gasped, elated.

"Of course, Edward! I always will!" Bella tried to run into his arms, but tripped. He caught her nevertheless and they threw themselves into a kiss.

"Carlisle…" Esme gasped. "Does this mean that you really love me? It was all a trick? Oh Carlisle, please tell me it's true!"

"So I can have a turkey?" Carlisle responded. It was obviously a yes.

"Carlisle, you can have a turkey for Thanksgiving, okay? We'll go hunt one for you."

"Yay!"

Alice, in her black clothing, her mourning clothing, shuffled sullenly into the room.

"Alice… oh, Alice!" Jasper moaned when he saw her. She snapped, her eyes full of sorrow.

"Don't play with my emotions, Jasper! Please, just don't! Go love… Edward, is that Bella? You're back together?" she screamed happily. "The wedding is on!"

"Alice, you weren't here for the confession. It was all a bet. I love you and I always will!' Jasper promised and she came rushing forward to the pale boy on the ground.

"Oh Jasper!"

"Oh, brother…" I grumbled when they began to kiss.

"Emmett McCarty Cullen… I'm not finished with you!" I gulped. The words came from Rosalie. I was doomed. I glared at Jasper for giving up our secret.

Rosalie may not kill my brother. But I most definitely will.

* * *

**Next time, Carlisle will regain his sanity... I think. Anyhow, I hope you enjoyed this! Wanna see my original plans? Well, it was the same pretty much until after Carlisle's turkey rant. Bella got changed... Mike got changed... everyone was yelling Jasper's name so he decided to change it to Turtle (Carlisle said it, not Jasper!). And they were going to Denali. Thecar arrangements: Edward, Bella, Jasper, Mike, and Esme in the Volvo and Emmett and Rosalie and Carlisle in the Jeep. Wonderful right? Actually, I kinda want to write the car ride... only Emmett and Rosalie's ride though! I can see it... "Emmett, I'm going to-" "TURKEY!" "kill you when we get to-" "Antarctica!" "Alaska!" "Rosalie, come on, please? I mean I was-" "drawing blue cows!" "Bored! BORED, Carlisle, BORED, not drawing blue cows! Hey Rose, do you know when he'll be sane-" "PURPLE!" "Again?" "No clue..."**

**Haha! Anyhow, review please! I'm unweirding it now!**


	6. Chapter 6

I've got about one more chapter and the epilogue to go. So savor it while it lasts! Don't worry, he's not back to normal... yet. Carlisle I mean. He'll be like this for a bit longer (BLUE COWS! That means yay!). This one's credited to **allyg1990** for the awesome ideas on what to do to Mike.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

* * *

**Jasper POV**

"What do we do with Mike?" Bella jerked her thumb towards the terrified human boy when Alice and I had stopped kissing. Emmett and Rosalie had disappeared- and by the emotions coming from my sister, I wasn't sure Emmett would come back.

Alice sat cross legged on the floor, thinking hard. I joined her and pulled the little pixie onto my lap. Edward offered a chair to Bella, but she refused it. Esme just kneeled on the ground, where Carlisle was still talking loopy.

Bella walked over to the poor teenage boy, squinting her eyes and inspecting him closely. She took a deep breath and sighed.

"Mike, can we trust you not to say a word about this to anyone?" she asked rather sweetly (not in the literal sense… though I imagine she would taste that way…)

"Jasper! Control your thoughts and your instincts, _please!_" Edward begged and I shut my mouth. Or my mind. Same difference when it comes to my brother.

"Y-you're insane! All of you!" Mike shouted, his eyes wide and panic arising. "No way am I not talking! You all could have killed me!"

"Well, technically Bella can't," Alice pointed out. "She's still human, it would be a lot harder, and given the fact that she can't go two feet without tripping… well, yeah."

"S-so it's true! You're not human?" Mike asked weakly. I got ready to knock him out with some lethargy.

Edward nodded firmly. I didn't need to help him pass out. He did it himself.

"So what do we do?" Esme wondered aloud. "Just kill him and move? He knows too much, and I'm not sure we can trust him."

"Hey, Esme!" Carlisle drawled, losing the American accent. He only spoke with a British accent when he was _really_ out of it or annoyed. I was guessing it was out of it this time. "Can cows get drunk? I like blue ones the best! Oh, look, pretty blue cows are on the wall! Do you know how they got there?"

"Carlisle, dear, you drew the cows on the wall. And… oh, that's it!" Esme snapped her fingers, her eyes lit up with ideas. Edward's face broke into a smile.

"Oh, this is good. Too good. Alice, do you mind getting that six pack Emmett was trying to hide?" he asked her. My wife jumped up and sped off towards Emmett's bedroom.

"I thought vampires couldn't get drunk! Or eat or drink!" Bella was confused.

"They can't," I told her, grinning. "But you can."

* * *

**Emmett POV**

"Rose, please, I-"

"Don't you 'Rose' me!" my wife snapped as she paced up and down the room.

"Rosalie, I-"

"How old are you? Five? You made this stupid bet-"

"I was bored, though!" I protested. It wasn't a good idea to interrupt Rosalie from a rant, but I couldn't help myself!

"We're all bored, we're vampires for crying out loud! There's not that much to do! But there you go, wrecking other's relationships!" Rosalie screamed. I cowered back, but would not be defeated!

"Rosalie. Calm down. It was harmless, you see, it's all fixed! It won't happen again, I swear."

"Harmless? Harmless? Jacob Black is in pain and without a shirt-"

"That was your fault!" I pointed out, but she ignored me.

"And Mike Newton is terrified out of his wits! We'll probably need to move again! Oh my gosh, Emmett, don't you ever think?" I was highly offended by this. I mean, I had scored higher on her in my tests!

"Of course I think, Rose, but can't I have some fun at times? Listen, we'll take care of Mike, we'll get the wolves back to La Push, cuz, well, Jacob will heal, and everything will be fine!" I explain quickly. "Carlisle can patch him up!"

"Yes, yes, Carlisle can help- oh wait, no, he can't, he's babbling about COWS!" She had a very good point there, but that wasn't my fault!

"That was Esme, though!"

"And she did it because you convinced her that Carlisle didn't love her because of that bet! Go give Jasper the money, you lost whether you really did or not!" she insisted but I simply shifted in my spot.

"Well, um, Rose, it wasn't money we bet…" Rosalie closed her eyes and groaned.

"You bet something stupid, like Jasper being with a hormonal Bella and you breaking up with me, right?"

"You're good."

"Emmett!"

"Sorry! Rosalie, I love you, I promise not to do it again!" Rosalie thought for a moment and sighed.

"Fine." She leaned in and we kissed for a long time. That's a good thing about being vampires. We don't need breath.

All of a sudden, Alice came dashing through my room, right to the loose floorboard. She pulled it up and took my six pack meant for Bella.

"Hey!" She ignored me and rushed downstairs. "What are you doing with-" _Splash. _"That."

"I think they poured it on Mike Newton," Rosalie stated matter-of-factly.

"Emmett! Come down! You're bringing them home!" Oh no…

* * *

Hint, hint... Emmett's not done with causing trouble. Neither is Jasper. :) And, of course, we can't forget about Jake (he's healing okay, remember the fast healing part? Jake fans, breathe, he is alright, he will be fine... and further more, he is currently without a shirt. So BREATHE!! Humans must breathe!) Tata for now!

Oh, and some self advertisements. After this, I began to become... um... what's the word? Addicted to challenges, that's it! So, I have a sad one, Somehow I Know, posted (and it's feeling lonely, it doesn't have many reviews... can you guys go check it out?) and OLD sad one called Because of Us, but it's there, Mocked for Eternity, my first ever challenge, and um... well I just finished writing something for Running with Jasper challenge. That should be up soon. So, check em out!


	7. Chapter 7

**One more left!! Okay, not much to say here except to enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or the littlest worm song (boy, it's so annoying! But funny)**

* * *

Jasper POV

"The littlest worm! Oh, c'mon, Jasper, sing along! The littlest worm!" Emmett sang as he drove his Jeep. In the back seat were three agitated werewolves and an unconscious Mike Newton. The car smelled like dog and beer.

"Emmett, I don't have time for car songs, we need to-"

"I ever saw! I ever saw! Got stuck inside! Got stuck inside! My soda straw! My soda straw! The little worm I ever saw!! Got stuck inside my soda stra-a-aw! He said to me! He said-"

"EMMETT! I screamed and he shut up. "Thank you. Now, we need to drive the wolves to the border and somehow get Newton home."

Emmett's eyes lit up in a way that you knew meant something bad.

"Jasper, go home and get Mike's car. Meet me at Bella's!" Suddenly, the door opened and I was punched in the gut. I flew out of the car and onto the side of the road. I could see the wolves watching me with laughter, astonishment, and amusements as the car went speeding off.

A few seconds later, I picked myself up and dashed home. This _better_ be good.

* * *

**Emmett POV**

Just moments after I had kicked my brother out of the car, I slid over to the side of the road.

"Get out," I ordered to the wolves.

"_What?"_ Quil screamed.

"Come on, go! I need to get this done before Charlie gets home!" I begged and the three boys grudgingly climbed out. Before Jacob was completely on the road, he turned to me.

"This had _better_ be good. I expect to find out either way," he mentioned. I smiled and realized a way that I could use these boys in my plan.

"It is. Oh and can one of you call the Police Department and say you spotted a drunk Mike Newton speeding in the direction of Chief Swan's house? Thanks!" I yelled as I slammed the door shut and sped off. I rolled down the windows on the way- the dog smell was really getting to me.

Sure enough, Jasper was there, leaning on Mike Newton's car. It was crooked, as if parked badly. I smiled- he had caught on.

"Charlie will be here soon with the police squad, Alice just called. Go park the Jeep somewhere safe and I'll move the kid," he insisted, so I handed the teen off to my brother and drove the car a good mile or two away. I then ran back, just in time for the show.

We hid in the bushes and watched as our final plan for chaos for the day unfolded.

* * *

**Mike POV**

I was suddenly awakened by a bright light in my face. Everything was out of focus and I was super groggy. My head hurt, as if I had hit it really hard. As the world came into focus, I recognized Chief Swan.

"C-c-chief Swan?" I stuttered before remembering what had happened that day. "Chief Swan, Edward is a vampire! They all are! The Cullens! And one of them was going to change me! A-a-and Edward reads minds, I think! You need to do something!" I was babbling, but he had a right to know!

Chief Swan peered at me questioningly before leaning over and sniffing the air around me. His eyes narrowed and he turned to the rest of the cops.

"Bring him down to the station! He's been drinking and is now under the impression that the Cullens are mythical creatures!" I just then noticed that I was sitting in Bella's driveway. And that nobody would believe me if they thought I was drunk. The Cullens were smarter than I gave them credit for.

And then I passed out.


	8. Epilogue

**Okay, I admit it, it's really short. But this is how I planned to end it, for a while too! I hope you like it! And if you don't know all the actors by now... well, go put up IMDB! You'll need it!!**

**Disclaimer: I do no own Twilight. Or the cast of Twilight.**

* * *

_**Kristen Stewart POV**_

_**DREAM--**_

_"So, that's why we don't make bets in the Cullen household. Cullen Household Rule number 213 is…" Carlisle went on as I fervently turn the page in my notebook. "Kristen, are you keeping up?"_

_"Yeah, I'm fine!" I replied happily. Emmett and Jasper were looking rather put out- they didn't like being reminded of that ban. Edward cuddled Bella (now a vampire) across the room. Esme was holding onto Carlisle protectively. Rosalie and Alice were just glaring at their husbands for their stupidity._

_"Kristen! Kristen, wake up!"_

**_DREAM--_**

* * *

I awoke with a start. Twilight was laying on my lap. Rob was waving his hands rapidly in front of my face.

"Kristen, come on, we're shooting a scene. You need to go into makeup!" he reminded me and I sighed.

After being lectured on punctuality, forced into a fake cast or two, and situated in a hospital bed set, the filming began.

We said our lines perfectly- I really hoped that we wouldn't have to redo this scene. I desperately needed to catch up on my sleep, hence the reason for my little nap.

"I'm betting against Alice," Rob muttered, looking away. My mind went blank- I forgot my cue. My mouth dropped open in astonishment as I looked at the Edward look alike.

"Cut!" Catherine yelled. "Kristen, what happened? Did you forget your line?"

"No," I whispered, still in shock. "He just broke Rule 212 of the Cullen Household…. I'm telling Carlisle!" The cast and crew watched me with careful eyes. I'm sure they were thinking I was insane.

Peter walked into the set at the moment. All heads turned to him.

"You're telling me what?"

"Edward broke the rules… Rule 212. The one about not betting after Jasper pretended to be in love with Bella and Emmett convinced Esme that Carlisle didn't love her and they nearly change Mike Newton and, and, and-"

"Jackson, did you cheat on me with Kristen?" Ashley questioned playfully as Elizabeth glared at Peter and Kellan.

"Nope… I do think she needs some sleep though…" Jackson replied, watching me warily.

"Definitely," Nikki agreed.

"You gave her coffee, didn't you? I told you not to give Kristen coffee after last time!" Elizabeth accused and Kellan bit his lip.

"No, no, not ever! Well, maybe a cup... she was ready to fall asleep, I swear!" he protested defensively. It was amazing how they acted like a family off set as well.

It was also amazing on how they would never let me live this day down.

* * *

**There it is! The end of Chaos at the Cullens! It's all a dream that Kristen Stewart had! (Poor, Kellan, if he gave her the coffee...). I hope you enjoyed it and that I didn't toally ruin it all!**


	9. Thank You!

**I forgot to mention!! I hit 100 reviews! Thanks to ama-chan, the 100th reviewer! Though since it wasn't exactly for chapter 7, I'm not sure if that counts... oh well, a 100th review is a hundreth review! Thank you for reading! I hope you all liked it! Thank you ALL- the ones tht reviewed, favorited, and put this on alert! And those that read it without doing any of those, too! Aww, I love my fans!! **

**Would you all be angry if I did a REAL Belasper? Not just Felasper (fake Bella/Jasper)? But real Belasper! I'm seriously considering it... well, actually, I'm writing it. And those hard core canon fans like me, no worries- it won't be like that forever (or will it? I'm not saying!). I'll let you all know when it's up, since this is actually where I tried out that pair. I'm surprised about how many of you were concerned that i was going to have a REAL Belasper in this story. Anyhow, once again, I hope you liked it! I love you all!!**

**Love,**

**Bookworm**


End file.
